For most of my life, I have consistently had a few good habits. I have always loved working out, I have always paid close attention to what I allowed in my body, and I have always put a lot of positive information into my mind. I had a natural desire to do these things and it honestly never felt hard. Despite having a few good habits I did always long to grow more, and move the needle in my life in many other areas professionally, relationally, and financially. The desire would lead to a lot of dreaming, planning, and goal setting. For a short amount of time I would do really well at focusing on the goal and giving it my best. Until I didnt. I would quickly burn out and find myself right back into some of the bad habits I had. So if you really want to change something and you take the time to set a goal, why on earth do we all find ourselves not seeing things through or truly making the desired changes we think we want?
My short answer to this is:
1. The reason for motivation
2. The method or system we create to make the change
First of all, motivation is so key! We will never do the things that we think we want to if the core motivation or desire is not from the heart and for the right reasons. Many times we want things because we see others doing it, or because it seems to be the best social norm. We want to be skinny not necessarily healthy, we want to be rich but not necessarily wise with money, we want to be in close relationships with others but not necessarily be the one giving the most. We want to have all that, but we don't take the time to really dig deep into our truest, most personal inner desires. In ways we are all the same in what the human wants/needs in life. But, we are also very uniquely wired to what we picture and see as the most ideal version of a successful, happy life and the most fulfilling version of ourselves. As a society we just follow what is pitched to us on what we should want and need. What I have learned is that the deepest level of change and growth have to come from the purest desire and the unwavering knowing of what you personally want to become. One of the things I offer in my coaching sessions is something that was very life changing for me and that is powerful visualization meditation, that guides you through the thought process of seeing, knowing, and understanding what you want. When you understand this, when you see this, then you are motivated in a different way to make changes and to stick with them in order to see it through. Day to day feelings will fluctuate on what you “feel” like doing. You must have this strong internal drive and a true personal mission to keep you in the game when it gets hard.
Second, the method you choose is life changing! For years I would literally overwhelm myself with a goal sheet and a to-do list the size of Texas. Two days in I would wonder why I couldn't stick with the changes I wanted to make. Why was it feeling so hard and why did I already feel like a failure? Afterall, I was a strong, hard working person. I did have good habits in several areas of my life, so why did new goals often seem so daunting and unachievable? Well, as I said before, because many of my goals simply were not in line with who I was meant to be. I was putting demands and pressures on myself that were never meant to be for me because my destiny was different. In addition to a misaligned mission, I had broken systems. I tried too much too fast and expected instant results! I mean who really wants to wait for the growth? My impatience and frustration with processes left me starting and failing over and over.
Around 2018, I was in a pretty stressed state and really searching for ways to feel healthier and more energetic. I started looking at nutrition a bit differently and began thinking of fueling my body rather than depriving it. One of the nutritional guides I came across at this time was Medical Medium. I started to learn about the power of juicing and the incredible nutrients I could give my body in an easy, efficient way. I bought my first juicer and quickly became addicted to this new practice. I simultaneously was reading the book, Atomic Habits by James Clear. When I tell you, since about 14 years of age, I have read more self help and personal growth books than most. I had taken in a lot of information regarding change and growth. But this book was different, it was filled with an immense amount of research and profound information, and it was also the most practical and easy information I had ingested so far in my readings. I began to apply what he taught regarding “habit stacking,” which is based on neurological research for how the brain processes patterns and the almost mindless activity that we do when we have habits of doing one small thing, followed by another small thing and so on.
And so it began, my slow but steady transformation. My consistent habit of juicing, followed by
drinking my juice while writing in my gratitude journal. To this day I cannot drink my juice without creating a gratitude list. I typically write it out but if I am unable, I give it a run through my head. I began to have many of these types of “connected or stacked” habits. I even started making a list on my phone each night for what the next day would hold. I would write down even the most obvious tasks like “wake up, make coffee, take kids to school” etc. I wrote down the obvious, and filled in the desired new actions in between. The next thing I knew I was fitting in these new habits almost without thinking because each action triggered the next one. By creating the list I could see clearly what each next step in the day was and I found great satisfaction in checking off each item as I did it. With every check mark I felt such a sense of accomplishment rather than failure. This amazing new feeling made me want to keep doing all the things I had set out to do. It felt great to, little by little, task by task, start to feel like I was making progress towards my goals.
I still do this to this day. I have accomplished many of the things I set out to do in 2018. I have grown and modified some of my goals and desired outcomes. I have listened intently to my heart, my mind, and the visions God has given me for my life and I have refined what I want and what I aspire to be. Each time I do this I also refine the daily actions I take towards becoming this. I have also learned to practice forgiveness of myself when I have an off day, and wake up and start over the next. One failed day doesn't mean you can’t still make progress. In these moments we just give grace and then get up and start over again. It's really that simple!
I still have many things I want to accomplish and my dreaming mind is always looking to grow, explore, and make a difference in this world. I am constantly pushing to new levels. The difference now is that I am in the game knowing exactly what I am after and what I am for. This keeps me going on hard days. I also now have a system of small, doable habits, that I practice consistently, rather than many giant goals that feel unattainable.
My life feels meaningful, aligned, joyful, and is beginning to feel fruitful from the work I have been putting in. I hope this blog encourages you to think about what it is you want from life and who you want to become, and then start the process of doing that. One habit at a time, patiently and consistently growing into all that you were made to be!
Don't forget to enjoy the journey, for this journey is your life!
XO,
Keri
Quick Note: Here are some great reads and tools to Habit building!
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