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Healthy Relationships- A Testimony


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One of the top five things that people regret most when dying, is not having better relationships, or not having spent more time invested into those that they love. Despite this fact, people often forgo healthy, positive relationships for chasing other things, to define their success/happiness in life.


My husband and I’s relationship changed drastically, and we came to a point that we almost lost each other completely. We had a good marriage for years, but had never really crossed that threshold to a great one. We both had our own hangups, stubborn ways, and negative ways of dealing with certain issues. The catalyst for our change and for what we are now, was an experience that brought A LOT of pain and we almost lost each other. However the most important thing to our story wasn't this one event, rather the things we did along the way, coupled with what we did when we decided we wanted to heal instead of part ways. The two major reasons we are still together and better than ever are:


  1. We both hung in there with each other at all times, even if we weren’t giving our best.

  2. We both made the decision when we almost lost our marriage, to change what we each needed to change in order to create a better one.


No two relationships are alike, but the bottom line is no relationship is easy. But every relationship that really matters to you is most definitely worth the investment of the BEST you! When you forgo some of your own selfish ways and desires, recognize and admit where you could change and commit to doing the work YOU need to do, you will come to find that meeting in the middle and loving each other well, actually serves you both better than you could’ve ever even dreamed.


One of the things I had to change was my words. I had to stop speaking about what was wrong, complaining about what I didn’t like, and being upset about expectations that were let down. What he had to change was some of his rigid ways and learning to be more flexible and open. As we both began to do these things, the atmosphere of our relationship shifted, we both began to prioritize time with each other and found ourselves wanting to be with each other constantly because we both made each other feel good rather than tearing each other down. As I kept speaking positive words about him and to him, acknowledging all the good that was in him as a person and praising all the good things that he did for me and our family, more and more of the good things I had always wanted started showing up. I noticed that as I began to love him better, and opened my eyes to the many positive qualities of who he was, rather than focusing on every area that I felt that he lacked in, suddenly I could see so clearly how well he really did love me.

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When I really surrendered my heart and my stubbornness and prayed for God to help do what I had not been able to do for years, I could suddenly see so clearly what a good friend and support he had been for a long time. During this time I was doing a lot of soul searching and working hard on myself and my own relationship with God, my own self confidence, and just basically a whole ton of deep work that had been coming for years. This season of our healing, we had the great gift of being able to take some time away to the beach for an extended amount of time. I will forever be so grateful for that time to pause, reflect, and refocus on what was most important. It's not lost on me what a gift that was. During that time I can remember as clear as day the moment I knew deep down, that I was truly loved by God, my creator, and the instant I felt that, I also was able to clearly see the love and patience he had shown me for years, through a beautiful human. Through flesh and blood that was my husband. He was not perfect, but he also was not the enemy I had built him up to be in my mind. I had a lot of past hurt and so many things I brought into our relationship, that it had skewed the way I was able to see and receive his love.


I will say that in any relationship in your life, a marriage, a sibling, a parent, a child, whoever you’re in relationship with, those are the people that you’re meant to love. Those are the people that you are meant to be your best for. It's the people that you put the work into, and love just as they are, not as you wish them to be. These are the people that you already have in front of you. Guess what, everyone is hard in some way. Including you! So the person who can make your life great and give you a great relationship, is YOU! You have to be willing to do the hard work to get healthy yourself. In the relationship, If you both decide to come to the table with an attitude of wanting to give the most love, then there you go, it's automatically a win-win. And that's what a relationship should be. We all have our hard days or maybe even seasons, but we should never make a habit of hurting someone we were meant to love.


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As our relationship has grown and changed over the last year, my husband and I have been able to cultivate more good memories and sweet moments than I ever dreamed possible. A few changes in him and I, and now we are living proof that you can have the marriage or the relationship of your dreams. Now he and I speak kind words to each other constantly throughout the day, and we mean them. He is my hero and I am his safeplace. We look at each other and our eyes smile, we love to talk, to have fun, to dance, to adventure, to hold hands, and to simply live every second that we can together. With the space we are in now, neither of us can even fathom talking to each other about our annoyances. We both have way too much good to say to, and to give to each other. We both feel loved, supported, and important. We are not perfect people, but we are people who decided to give our very best selves to each other and to those around us. I hope if you are in a dark space in any relationship you may have, you will recognize what it is you need to do to make it better. I hope this will inspire and encourage you to be brave and do that thing. Make that investment into your own healing, show up, and love your people with all you've got, and live with no regrets! Go create the healthiest most beautiful relationships you can, while you still have the chance.


With lots of humility and love,

Keri


 

Quick Note: I wanted to give you some great resources to look into if you would like to improve your relationships!





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